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Joke of the Day

"Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid... This must be some sort of conspiracy..."

"How do you get Dick from Richard? I don't know, ask his wife."

"have a nail gun and some boards laying around? show him you love him by adding some attractive wood paneling to his car"

"Yo mama's like bacteria ...she procreates every 30 minutes and causes diseases. (Just came in my mind a few moments ago)"

"I got this hot blondes phone number today! Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often."

"if you ever wanna impress a girl just bring a baby on your date and then basically just outperform the baby at everything it's really easy"

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"Does a litter box count as a guest bathroom?"

"NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled ""Airline Tragedies."" They are putting the pilot together right now."

"The invention of the jackhammer. . . It was groundbreaking. [Side Note] I have already posted this on /r/badpuns but, that seems inactive so, I decided to repost it here."