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Joke of the Day

"Pickup lines for old people: Grandpa: Hey baby, you better call life alert, cause I've fallen for you and can't get up."

"Instead of calling them flyover states we should call them comments section."

"What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron."

"Women's magazines are so funny. 1: You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days."

"If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian."

"*slowly pulls up in a car next to you when ur walking on the sidewalk* ""why did u favorite that instead of retweeting it?"""

"You're an open book? ""Throws you into a bonfire."""

"I haven't seen anyone in a yellow jersey this disgraced since Lance Armstrong."

"I live in fear that one day the real ""World's Greatest Dad"" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug."

"Terrorists in Hawaii be like.. ..Aloha Akbar."