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Joke of the Day

"I always drink a cocktail before having sex My dad always told me ""You need a good screwdriver to really screw something""."

"anyone who puts that dumb ass Gotye song on when im with them instantly becomes somebody that i used to know."

"I'll never forget my grandad's last words on his deathbed. He said: ""I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble..."""

"Q:Why did the banana walk out of the movie theater? A:the film didn't appeal to him."

"How do you stop your ol' lady from ruining your Saturday night? Kill the bitch on friday."

"You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard."

"I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years I don't have 2020 vision"

"What has four legs and one arm? A pitbull terrier in a childrens' playground"

"Socialism jokes are only funny if everybody gets them. Its Reality."

"Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear"