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Joke of the Day

"What do a $100 grill and a $100 girl have in common? They will both ruin your meat."

"It doesn't matter how much you move the envelope It'll still be stationary."

"Friend: How do you spell ""SHOP""? Me: S-H-O-P Friend: How do you say it? Me: ""Shop"" Friend: What do you do when you get to a green light?"

"Wife A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone."

"I know people say, ""Don't bring a knife to a gun fight,"" but if there's an unsliced cake at this fight, we're all going to look like idiots."

"Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. I should have put it on aloha setting."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You wouldn't know. You weren't there..."

"Guerrilla Glue It only works when you don't look at it."

"What starts with ""P"" and ends with ""orn""? Popcorn Pervs."

"Only 50 more days til we find out who's our next President! Last time I was nauseous 50 days straight, at least I got a baby out of it!"