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Joke of the Day

"I said to my wife's mother ""when you're dead, I'll dance in your grave."" she said: ""Good, I'm being buried at sea."""

"Everyone was texting her good morning sunshine, so I texted her ""good morning solar eclipse"" Yeah, don't do that."

"Just told my kid her freckles are kisses from angels and she said freckles are actually clusters of concentrated melanin. THANKS NICK JR. :("

"A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home."

"Steak puns... a rare medium well done."

"Did you know that there is an elephant at Bush Gardens? That's what I call my crotch."

"Give that Man a Fish I once taught a man to fish. He ended up offing himself because he couldn't get into a good fishing college."

"Where did Suzy go when the bombs fell? Everywhere."

"""All black people are Aiwa, and all jews are Technics."" ""Those are just stereo types."""

"I'm 87% sure ""snooze button"" time is sped up and ""waiting for the microwave"" time is slowed down and this is not okay."