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Joke of the Day

"My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die"

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"I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven I guess I should have put it on aloha setting"
"[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.... I said u look really fat in those pants!"
"CUTE GIRL I LIKE: I'm gonna hang up ME TRYING TO FLIRT: No you hang up"
"What is brown and sits in a toilet in a dutch attic? The diarrhea of Anne Frank."
"What the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple? Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face."
"Welcome to r/Jokes Where the jokes aren't funny and the points don't matter!"
"What is the interior temperature of a Tauntaun? Lukewarm"
"Here at Nickelodeon, we're constantly trying to push the boundaries of what a child's head should be shaped like."
"Whats the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your Mom can't take a joke."