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Joke of the Day

"Most people think it is perfectly okay to recharge a battery. I think it's revolting."

"has a fever: i'm ok coughs out lungs: i'm ok throat on fire: i'm ok is hungry: death, despair and chaos has entered my life"

"What's the difference between light and hard? I can go to sleep with a light on."

"Life is like a penis. Sometimes it's hard."

"Andy Griffith's family are undecided on funeral arrangements. They may cremate, they Mayberry"

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"

"What is a parrot? A wordy birdy!"

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker? Ones a snack cracker and the others a crack snacker."

"*proposes to girlfriend* *accidentally drops ring in the street* ""I'll still marry you"" Sorry, I'm married to the streets now"

"*uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!"