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Joke of the Day
"GF: ""Can I be frank?"" Me: ""Sure, but I'd be more comfortable if you were a woman."""
Next Joke
"The First Time"
"[circus school] ""So to tame the lion, you have this whip..."" What if the lion's too close? [picking up tiny stool] ""we've thought of that"""
"Police called me at work! The officer said a burglar broke into my house and drank all my beer, then raped my wife. I said, ""WHAT?????!!!!! He fucked my wife after only 5 beers???!!!"""
"I can totally relate to the plight of the homeless. I once gave up Twitter for five whole days."
"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Don't know they're just a bit shady."
"I don't talk about my ex's because I like to start of with a clean slate. That, and they're dead to me. Well, to everyone, but mostly me."
"Melania Trump says her husband is ""not Hitler."" That's true. Hitler had a mustache and adult-sized hands."
"A priest checks into a Hyatt... A priest checks into a Hyatt. Asks the front desk, ""Is the porn channel disabled?"" Guy at the front desk replies, ""No, you sick fuck. It's regular porn."""
"I recently saw a documentary on different types of stationery throughout history. It was on paper-view."