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Joke of the Day

"Police called me at work! The officer said a burglar broke into my house and drank all my beer, then raped my wife. I said, ""WHAT?????!!!!! He fucked my wife after only 5 beers???!!!"""

"My ex-wife's a whore! I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be so mean about my ex-wife. I love my ex-wife. The problem is; is that for twenty five bucks everybody else could too!"

"Do you know how to tell your ass from a hole in the ground? Stick your finger in and try to walk away."

"Cop: A ghost killed your family? Guy: Yes! Cop: Did u forward yesterday's spooky chain email to 5 ppl? Guy: No? Cop: Well there you go."

"How many online courses are offered by the senior learning center? None. They're old school."

"What did Mohammed eat? His dates."

"FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long she can lick an envelope after she's posted it."

"There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Nunya. Nunya who? How many Nunyas do you know?"

"What internet provider does Satan use in hell? Comcast"