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Joke of the Day

"Police called me at work! The officer said a burglar broke into my house and drank all my beer, then raped my wife. I said, ""WHAT?????!!!!! He fucked my wife after only 5 beers???!!!"""

"What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common? They both know when you are sleeping."

"How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? None he's still clinging to the old lightbulb."

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Christopher Walken. ""Christopher Walken who?"" Christopher Walken and then walk out after his weird cameo."

"Why You Should Never Be Late for a Speaking Engagement An important public speaking lesson wrapped up in a good, clean joke."

"There are two types of people in this world Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets"

"What is the only correct answer to the question 'Are you ticklish?' I have explosive diarrhea."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me, and I thought ""Well that was a little condescending."""

"TIL I'm always submitting to the wrong subreddit."

"There's a school in my town so rough they have to check students for weapons at the gate. If you don't have one they give you one. Certified Dad quality joke. Tried it out on my kids this morning."