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Joke of the Day

"""Calm down"" I suggested. ""WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT CALM?"" she carved in the side of my truck."

"What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names..."

"What's the most annoying thing in the internet? People who comment ""repost"" on a Joke subreddit."

"Was in the hot tub a full 3 minutes before I noticed the floating chipmunk so probably don't ask me questions about a crime scene"

"Long story short, I accidentally left the cat in the refrigerator."

"Hey buddy. How late does the band play? About half a beat behind the drummer."

"Why does r/jokes smell like rotten eggs? Because it's full of bad yolks."

"What's the difference between a man's balls and Jehovah's Witnesses? There's none. They both knock on the door, but never goes in!"

"Major Tom: This is Major Tom to Ground Control I'm stepping through the door & I'm floating in a most peculiar way GC: New phone. Who dis?"

"The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy. When they wind it up it eats all the spinach off their plates."