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Joke of the Day

"My dog's pissed cos I buy him Senior food. He won't admit he's older now. So I scratch out the ""i"" on each can & tell him it's Mexican food."

"him: what are you looking for on this dating site? me: someone who will hold the cats down so I can take pics of them wearing sunglasses."

"I was looking at a menu in a restaurant last night, and there was something called the Jeremy Clarkson special. I was wondering what it was, and then it hit me"

"If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattering Then halloween and thanksgiving would fall on the same day"

"A little boy says, Dad, I've heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. ' Son,' says the dad. That happens everywhere.'"

"If I were the Town Mayor, I would rename our bridge ""The Influence."" ... Then I would direct the police to pull over and ticket everyone driving under The Influence."

"A family walks into a hotel... ... The father goes to the front desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies. ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck"""

"I told her she has a nice ass. As a lady, she looked at me like my mom didn't raise me right. But we all know she'll smile about it in the ladies room."

"I bet that at some point in history a baby ate a dingo."

"A law student walks into a bar... He says, ""Shit I should've prepared for this."""