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Joke of the Day

"Hey, you know how geese migrate in a V shape? Sometimes one side of the V is longer than the other - do you know why? -""No, why's that? "" -More geese."

"What do bulls do math with? A cow-culator! (Cue groans)"

"A song called ""Baby It's Not *THAT* Cold Outside"" where I'm just trying to get the lady to leave"

"[God Creating] Lucifer: Make them wake up paralyzed sometimes G: That sounds horrible L: People will love it G: Hm, I trusted you on spiders"

"I bet you vegetarians don't even feel guilty eating baby carrots. Barbarians."

"I hoped to be a mortgage some day... But it looks like I'm forever a loan."

"In-laws are like hemorrhoids... .... When they come down and go back up it's ok, but when they stay down that's when it's a pain in the ass..."

"Ebola has mutated! reports are coming in that the Ebola virus has mutated and become exponentially worse, in light of this mutation the virus will be renamed the Hyperbola Virus"

"Me: I'm way tougher than you. Wife: I gave birth twice without an epidural. Me: So? Wife: You called in sick for an ice cream headache."

"I hate how sometimes I let my guard down and then all my inmates get away."