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Joke of the Day

"REPORTER: you say you spotted the missing hikers somewhere in these woods CLEARLY A BEAR IN A FLANNEL & AVIATORS: [right on mic] briefly yes"

"I don't remember anything about being born, I must have been WASTED"

"If I were in a musical, I'd get fired in a week. Keep a straight face while someone looks in my eyes & sings to me? Nope. Sorry. Impossible."

"Did you hear about the guy in masturbation contest? He really held his own."

"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

"His First Blow Job A teenage boy comes home excited and says, ""Dad! I just had my first blowjob!"" The father says, ""That's great, son. How was it?"" ""Tasted awful."""

"My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian, it's like I've never seen herbivore!"

"I can't believe I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach.... ...boy was my face red."

"I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa did. and not screaming like the passengers in the backseat."

"What is the lactose intolerant man's least favorite chore? Laun-dairy."