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Joke of the Day

"""Who am I?"" she beckoned the stars. Stars: We've gone over this a million times. You are a geisha caveman."

"If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved."

"Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business."

"When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring"

"How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But it takes about 8-10 visits."

"If you ever feel like a third wheel, just stop.... You are not a third wheel. You are a majestic unicycle and they are your noble training wheels."

"Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?? She was a woman"

"a contractor is just a regular tractor that rips people off"

"Religion because thinking for yourself is hard."

"Roses are red... Roses are red Violets are red Trees are red Shit my garden is on fire!"