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Joke of the Day

"I was having an argument with my deaf wife. All women are the same, they don't listen."

"Me: *passes ransom note* Mom: 2 bags of unmarked cookies? Me: Or you'll never see the cat alive! Mom: He's behind you. Me: STUPID KITTY!"

"I would never buy a BMW, they're too cheaply made. I mean, they don't even come with turn signals."

"What do you call an expert in psychedelics? A trip advisor."

"""It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!"" ""Nope."" ""A spider? An aardvark?"" ""Wrong. It's a horse."" ""Wow. You can't draw for shit."""

"What do Baptists and cats have in common? You know they're doing it, you just can't catch them at it."

"Laughed so hard tears ran down my leg."

"Because im a bad ass! Why did I put the punchline up there?"

"A lot of people tend to say life is like a rollercoaster. It is! Specifically the Smiler in Alton Towers. You start out with nervous excitement and by the end of it you need new knees."

"What is Hitler's favourite type of pizza? The Hollow Crust."