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Joke of the Day

"Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends."

"Everyone keeps guessing who Rey's parents are, but who delivered her as a baby? OB-Gyn Kenobi"

"Why does the Catholic Church protect paedophiles? Because the last time they shunned a child molester, he started Islam."

"One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast."

"What do you get if you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?"

"Have a jewish friend who likes to make drinks. I have a Jewish friend who likes to make drinks. Hebrews them. Sorry if you expected a Jewish world war 2 joke, but I'm burnt out on those."

"I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don't actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad."

"A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"My friend found out recently that he is both gay and dyslexic. He is still in Daniel."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate a tit a lot."