132174

Joke of the Day

"1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening."

"Pregnancy tests in movies are so weird... She hands him the test and he stands there holding this stick of pee like it isn't a stick of pee"

"Q: You are traveling into the past, what one thing would you bring back? SEXY. I am so getting an A on this History paper."

"Sex is like pizza... If you are using bbq sauce, you better know what the fuck you are doing."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been talking about Carly Fiorina for years: ""Carly Fiorina needs water,"" ""Carly Fiorina is a great state,"" blah blah blah."

"Buddy on FB just posted this, I had to share What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting."

"What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons."

"i don't think that was a chocolate chip."

"Revenge is a dish best served with revengetables."