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Joke of the Day

"Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty? Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

"Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef"

"[dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time"

"Chumlee was arrested for sexual assault, drugs, and guns. Do you think Rick will go to the court and haggle down his sentence?"

"Why couldn't the lizard have any children? It had a reptile dysfunction!"

"Your momma is so fat..... she ate all of reddits servers."

"The first sign I wasn't going to be a doctor is when I called Anatomy ""Skeleton Class."" Sign two was failing skeleton class."

"Last night I let my boyfriend indulge his ""scat"" fantasy... <sigh> I'm glad I got that off my chest."

"Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references ""yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids"""

"A black man walks into the university"