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Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell."

"If I could go back to my childhood with the knowledge I have today, I'd probably earn the nickname 'little pervert'."

"What is the worst part about being black? You never know if your gums are bruised."

"When I jerk off I'm not a fancy restaurant about it, I'm more like McDonalds Fast, easy, and you don't have to get out of the car"

"""What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?"" ""He said it was lovely to hear the French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."""

"Why did the Pollock cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken."

"I give it 6 months before Banksy does a graffiti of the statue of liberty with the snapchat dogface filter on it"

"I really want to try sado-necro-beastiality... But I feel like I'd just be flogging a dead horse."

"*im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*"

"Sarah Jessica Parker? Horse."