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Joke of the Day

"i saw this homeless guy talking to himself and i was like, ""who is he talking to?"" then i thought ""who am I talking to?"""

"Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid"

"""do you know why I pulled one over on you?"" becau- wait what? ""I'm not a real cop lol"" haha nice! *pulls gun* ""I am taking your car though"""

"Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants The bartender ask, ""Doesn't that bother you?"" The pirate says,""Arrrgh, it's driving me nuts"""

"She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them."

"How many South American people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A Brazilian"

"I bought a beehive to start my beekeeping company I thought it was a good bees nest"

"There are three kinds of people in the world, Those who are good at math and those who aren't."

"Anti-vaxxers make me SICK! Or they would, if my parents were imbeciles"