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Joke of the Day

"My OCD requires me to slit the throats of people who sing Christmas songs to themselves out loud in quiet workplaces. The Cops understand."

"Have you heard the Joke about Hiroshima? I hear it's explosive...."

"It was a sad day when I discovered... my new Universal Remote Control does not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely."

"Jokes are like farts, if you have to force it, its probably shit"

"What is a traveler's favorite font? Times New Roamin'!"

"Have you ever seen Ray Charles's mansion? Neither has he."

"Get off the goddamn Twitter, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back"

"Just watched Die Hard 2. People in 1990 sure knew how to shrug off a plane crash."

"I consider myself to be... a reflexive pronoun."

"What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get? Mourning wood! :)"