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Joke of the Day

"What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am? It's your dad."

"My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean out my desk as if he didn't just see how lazy I am."

"DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]"

"Do you know that crazy Mexican that steals trains? He had loco motives"

"There's a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part."

"which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell? the cinnamon!"

"Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am."

"How to be part of a joke? One must simply walk into a bar"

"I just threw a snowball at a Smart car and its airbags deployed"

"LOSER BOOTY CALL... APARTMENT Wow, you have your own apartment? Yeah, it's probably nicer than my room at the Y."