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Joke of the Day

"Calling ""shotgun"" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car after the cops arrest you."

"A man is in critical condition for swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills. No change is expected."

"What do you call a sick Pokemon? Pikachoo"

"congrats to those who made it onto my ""Not A Lizard"" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum."

"*opens dating site account* prepare to be dated you pieces of shit"

"Why did everyone trust the marsupial? Everything he said was troo"

"Jesus was obviously white. He even tastes like crackers!"

"What do you call it when two well endowed astrophysicists have a gay sword fight? A Large Hardon Collider."

"They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie... It still hasn't cured my alcoholism."

"""Do people really become like their pets?"" I wonder, absentmindedly raising a leg above my head and staring into space."