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Joke of the Day

"Did you ask her out? Yes. And? She only dates guys named Matt. Cause she likes to walk all over them? No, tattoo she can't afford to remove."

"No need to fight over me, ladies. I'm perfectly capable of disappointing all of you sexually."

"I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops."

"What do you call a criminal dwarf on an escalator? A little con-descending"

"I think we can all agree that ""Phillybuster"" would be a great name for a cheese steak restaurant in Washington DC"

"My girlfriend loves kinky sex. [nsfw] My girlfriend loves kinky sex. She says going down on me makes her day, butt sex makes her hole weak."

"I tried to take a dump on an airplane. TSA was none too please when they had to clean out the tray"

"Why are you on /r/Jokes? What arrr ya buncha pirates or sumthin? *tssssssss*"

"How do you know when sex with a blonde is over? The car light comes on"

"What pokemon does South America have that other continents don't? Zikachu."