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Joke of the Day

"An eskimo sitting in a kayak was chilly. He lit a fire. Unsurprisingly the kayak sank. Moral: You can't have your kayak and heat it too."

"Why would you go to a psychiatrist? When you can just kill yourself"

"What is a jewish golfer's favorite vegetable? A parsnip."

"Please don't get me wrong, but I like to see people dying Seeing their hair become blonde is really awesome."

"What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced."

"[OC] Got approved for a 15 year 3.25% Mortgage loan 4.20 was too high for a 30 year ....... sorry I'll see myself out."

"What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

"do you ever start rubbing your eyes and then it feels really good and you can't stop so it's like eye masturbation"

"[invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] ""in a few years its gonna be really cold"" *hands them mixtape* ""you're gone need this"""

"What is a pirate's favorite letter? [read with a pirate accent when they most likely say, ""RRRRR""] ""You'd think it'd be R but 'tis the C they love"""