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Joke of the Day

"The school year is like a burrito... After 3 quarters you're full but you have to keep going even though it's all falling apart."

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"""Nurse, I need 10 cc's of fluid, a scalpel and 100+ retweets about this kid from a celebrity on Twitter. STAT!"" - 2013 doctor"
"GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank"
"What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her? I may be a two but your an eight.."
"What do you call a dog who digs up ancient artifacts? A Barkeologist."
"My class teacher once said ""Write and Practice."" Turns out she was right. I practiced on my desk just before I started my exam and it worked"
"Why did the siamese twins moved to England? So the other one would also drive"
"My band were thinking about doing a concert in space... ...but then we realised there would probably be no atmosphere."
"A club walks into a seal."
"Why does the corn get mad at the farmer? Because he is always pulling on his ears."