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Joke of the Day

"[Dog Court] Judge: How do you find the defendant? Jury: We find the defendant, not a good boy. *dogs family in courtroom begins to cry*"

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"Of course I can keep a secret, It's the people I tell it to that can't."
"I can never decide whether to slam on my breaks or go through a yellow light, so I do an annoying combination."
"If you're famous and your name suddenly becomes a Twitter trending topic, you are probably dead."
"do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth ""starting now?"" yes ""the judge looks like squints from the sandlot"""
"Did you hear about the midget, fortune teller who was wanted by the police? It was a small medium at large."
"What do you milk you can't see? Pasteurized milk."
"What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?"
"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."
"How do you stop Caitlyn Jenner from jumping on your bed Staple his ballbag to the ceiling. LOL"