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Joke of the Day

"Eating Halloween candy and ignoring the doorbell. A little game I like to call fuck you I paid for it."

"Why do dogs run in circles ? Because its hard to run in squares !"

"If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping"

"What's a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country."

"Mirror mirror on the wall, am I the fairest of them all? No, but you've got an amazing ass!"

"""Son, if you keep masturbating like that you're going to go blind!"" Dad, I'm over here."

"If you throw acid on a basic bitch does she become salt?"

"Why are gay pride parades held in the summer? Because gay pride comes before gay fall."

"Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say ""Safe in your strong arms"" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years."

"The rats outside my apartment building are getting very bold. One of them just asked me for my number."