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Joke of the Day

"A Date joke When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"I just called one ex a calculator and another a potential murder victim so if you're looking for metaphors, I'm probably the grapefruit."

"Favourite one-liner? ""stationary shop moves"" - Jimmy Carr **Another favourite -** ""I keep my porno tapes in my sock drawer, it's all you need in one place"" - Jason Manford"

"My girlfriend always asks me to text her when I get in... That's how small my cock really is."

"This one time I was hit on by Anthony Kiedis. I only had two options, either give it away... or flea"

"What's black and doesn't work? Decaf, you racist sons of bitches."

"I like my meat the way I like my grades... ...Well Done."

"Yes, I love them, Friend: You have sweet shop, don't you feel like eating? Him: Yes, I love them, but dad put all sweet counted, so I taste them and put them back..!!"

"A tree walks into a bar ... The bartender asks him to leave."

"I recently wrote a book about poltergeists.... They're flying off the shelves!!! (Credit goes to jimmy Carr on that one)"