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Joke of the Day

"Dead Babies I hate it when I'm driving out of my garage and my next door neighbour's son stands on my way and I run over him by accident and I have to bury him in my backyard. #FuckGrammar"

"How can you tell that the movie Martian is not realistic? Because Americans use imperial unit system."

"Married men live longer then single men. So if you want a slow death...... ;-)"

"There is absolutely nothing funnier than yelling ""HE'S STEALING MY BABY!"" at a dad having a hard time with his kid in public."

"What's a neckbeard's favorite pokemon? M'champ"

"How are asymptotes like women? You can get close to it, but you can't touch it"

"*spills wine on Ouija board* OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T ME: *moves pointer to NO*"

"Ants Dancing ? Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, ""Twist to open."""

"Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light."

"ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that"