226999

Joke of the Day

"Jurassic World: A generically modified smart 50 ft monster has turned violent and this, for some reason, took people by surprise."

"I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers"

"Kate Middleton's gynacologist is getting a Knighthood The amount of Royal cunts he's put up with he probably deserves it."

"Keep your friend's toast, but keep your enemy's toaster."

"""Woo, I'm on a roll today, baby!"" -butter"

"One time I shot a gun... And the gun died!"

"Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose."

"Suzy Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set? She has no arms... Knock knock? Who's there? Not Suzy"

"My girlfriend says I'm an idiot with money. But I'm tellin' ya, she's wrong! I'm an idiot with no money!"

"Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by a Gorilla jumping off a tall building? Fall-adelphia!"