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Joke of the Day

"Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light."

"A child molester and a young boy are walking into the dark woods.... ""I'm scared"", said the boy. ""YOU'RE scared?? I have to walk out of here alone!"""

"What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar"

"I went to a really emotional wedding the other day... Even the cake was in tiers."

"I heard that wordplay was illegal. Apparently there is serious PUNishment."

"Last year, I went to study abroad and I am NOT HAPPY about it! This year, my girlfriend is going to study a dude."

"If you were locked in a room with Trump and Clinton And it was just you, them, and a pistol with one bullet... Which one would you shoot and which would you bludgeon to death with the pistol?"

"This fortune cookie I just had said 'Off yourself' & my lucky numbers on the back was the phone number to a local gun shop."

"""Why does that guy always get all the women?"" ""I don't know...he isn't very handsome or rich"" ""And he's a terrible conversationalist - all he does is sit there licking his eyebrows"""

"What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs? They have to sit in their own pew."