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Joke of the Day

"Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light."

"What did Orville say when Keith Harris died? Nothing."

"I asked my husband: How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee? He replied... ...It's hard"

"In the year 1973, there were 2000 Elvis Impersonators. By 1993, over 30,000. At this rate, by 2050 1 out of 3 people will be Elvis"

"My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish... She would dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"Some Muslim extremists just rammed a boat into the Thames Barrier. Experts believe it's the start of Ramadam."

"Facebook weather: We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullsh1t blowing in from all directions!"

"What's the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window. Too soon?"

"I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty."

"Who do you call when a sleepwalker injures himself? The somnambulance."