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Joke of the Day

"[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event ""Come Outside""] what tha"

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"Take a stand against childhood obesity by chasing little fat kids down the street."
"When I make my first million, Im switching from 2 ply toilet paper to white bread."
"Anyone: I'm cold Me: Get a sweatshirt or something I'm not your mother Dog: *shivers once* Me: I WILL USE MY BODY HEAT TO KEEP YOU ALIVE"
"with great power comes great electricity bills"
"Two Cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.. One turns to the other and says 'Does this taste funny to you?' The other looks back and replies 'no.'"
"What's John Lennon's favorite card game? Yoko Uno"
"what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?"
"The only way that meal could have been more disappointing is if it were an M. Night Shyamalan film."
"You know, I really didn't need to scratch my balls today at all. Not once - said no man EVER"
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