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Joke of the Day

"What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers"

"When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young!!"

"Why did Napoleon's soldiers wear red buttons on their blue jackets during the battle of Waterloo? ... so that they could close their jackets."

"I plan to retire at 30. The used tire business is just calling my name."

"Why did the hipster fail making ice cubes for his bourbon? Because he pulled out the tray before it was cool"

"""you create beauty with your soul and personality! and also with not being fat and with using this make up."" - women's magazines"

"Gotta hand it to midgets sometimes. You know, cause they can't reach and all."

"Did you guys hear about the gay astronaut? He landed on Uranus"

"What's Forrest Gumps Favorite Password? 1Forrest1"

"If John has 100 pieces of bacon, and he eats 20, what does John have? Happiness. John has happiness."