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Joke of the Day

"Newtown's First Law (OC) Newtown's First Law: For every crisis, there is an opportunistic power-grab by the government to trade freedom for 'security'."

"Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!"

"Wherever someone says, ""Oh, geez!"" I always think, ""OGs,"" as in ""Original Gangstas."" Whenever someone says, ""Gee whizz!"" I think, ""...gross."""

"Meanwhile, at School: Teacher- ""How much is a gram?"" Laure- ""Depends on what you want"" Teacher- ""Out, just get out"" #YouOwnedHimDude"

"Oh God. Yes. This is so good. I love it so much I'm having a sarcasm."

"I can't believe all of this violence and rioting is happening... ... all because Craig Ferguson is leaving his show."

"I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can't stop painting my bathroom."

"What does the nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business."

"i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into $65,000 cash"

"I had a really long dream last night that I was a muffler under a car. When I woke up this morning I was exhausted!"