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Joke of the Day

"Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth. Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that. Me: Go home."

"What has 7 letters and makes only Redditers mad? [deleted]"

"I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle..."

"What's big, grey and makes you jump? The elephant of surprise. :)"

"Might love you quicker if you bring me more Liquor."

"Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!"

"Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my dog was RIGHT THERE."

"I wish life had a rewindthe-weekend button."

"How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute? Look for the one with the sash that says ""I da ho""."

"My Irish friend was telling me about his uncle. ""My uncle's a cop, you know,"" he said. ""Oh, really?"" ""No, O'Riley."""