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Joke of the Day

"On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted... ...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator)."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? I though you'd never forget."

"I bought a pair of Undies yesterday. On the front it says, ""I Will do Anything For Love"" ..and on the back it says, ""But I Won't do That."""

"Math never tried to solve any of my problems."

"How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows it's never happened."

"Coworker: Pass your random drug test? Me: With flying colors! CW: Really? Me. So many colors! CW: You're high right now aren't you?"

"What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

"What does a chef and a gravitational wave astronomer have in common? They both work in gastronomy"

"GENIE: u get 3 wishes! ME: for my first wish, I want a never-ending bowl of guac GENIE: guac, huh? Yeah, that's gonna cost you an extra wish"

"Every night when you sleep,I sneak into your house, full of desire. I then reduce the amount of marshmallowy treats in your cereal&go home."