130703

Joke of the Day

"Why is the difference between brucellosis and brucellitis like the difference between a woman and an LGBT woman? One is real and the other isn't."

"How do you find Ronald McDonald in a room full of naked clowns? The Sesame Seeds on his buns. (According to my father this is the first joke I ever told, around 5yo.)"

"You know how light travels faster than sound? That's why some people seem bright until they start speaking."

"A construction worker comes home from work. He tells his wife, ""Honey, I cut off my finger today."" She replies, ""The whole finger!?"" He says, ""No, the one right next to it."""

"The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Two ghosts walk into a bar... They don't say ow."

"Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town"

"Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great Food! No atmosphere."

"Just fell into a toilet last night and now I'm feeling really sad... Been down in the dumps all day."

"China's stock market is down again We should have seen it coming. The red flags were everywhere."