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Joke of the Day
"i pinched out a bowel movement while reaching for a stool."
Next Joke
"Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury Don't worry I'll be fine"
"did you watch the obese fashion show? they had some pretty good role models"
"No one is more productive than a guy who's been laying on the couch for two hours and suddenly realizes his wife will be home in 5 minutes."
"What do you call a Russian snake that's eating its own tail? An ouroboris"
"Why was the accountant constipated? He couldn't budget."
"Nobody I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this"
"The other day I stayed in a very swanky hotel ... ... I had to shave before they let me go in their barbershop."
"Everyone knows you can tell a criminal is lying if his lips are moving, but how do you know when a cop is lying? His pen is moving."
"Autocorrect just changed my kissy face emoji to ""stop it you're 37"" then powered down my phone."