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Joke of the Day

"New York record days without homicide is a lie. Turns out the guy responsible for updating the homicide-toll has been found dead at his desk with a knife in his back."

"How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb."

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

"My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees."

"What do you call a black woman who has had 8 abortions? A crime fighter."

"How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!"

"I saw a fight at a campsite yesterday. It was in tents!"

"Why did the farmer sit on a cock ? Because he was gay."

"I'm fat and get laughed at when I say I have an eating disorder But I wouldn't be fat if I could stop eating disorder, datorder, and da other one too"

"As a doctor, I once had to remove the spine of a pirate He was all for it and said ""It was holding me back"""