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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They are making headlines."

"Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?"

"I thought I would enjoy a baby shower... ...but who wants to be covered in red spaghetti? Plus the little holes in the showerhead seem to clog a lot."

"Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available."

"Daniel Day-Lewis walks into a bar. Bartender says, ""What'll it be?"" but he already knows because he's also Daniel-Day Lewis."

"WHAT DO YOU THINK???? If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife"

"I am so bored in my current profession. I am thinking of becoming a bartender... ...to shake things up a bit."

"The director of ""A Girl in the River"" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars"

"I asked Rick Astley to lend me some Pixar movies...... He said you can take Cars, you can take Toy Story but I'm never gonna give you Up."

"The only standards I have in life are about the quality of alcohol I consume, and even that gets sketchy after about 5 drinks."