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Joke of the Day

"I told my friends that I'm going for a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary. Joke's on them, they are too."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? You may think R, but a pirates first love will always be the C."

"What moved less than Jenny McCarthy's forehead tonight? Mariah Carey's mouth."

"""Obama Hires Seahawks Secondary to Intercept Citizen's Texts, Emails"" (Just a fake, Onion-y headline)"

"i bet you spend all your money pizza and hookers. Pssh Dad, i dont spend money on pizza thats ridiculous."

"Did you hear about the professor that got in a horrible wreck? He was grading papers on a curve."

"Germany vows revenge after Brazil's goal yesterday This must not go unpunished"

"The only food in Hell is the part of the popcorn kernel that gets stuck between your teeth. Also they have an Olive Garden."

"My true love and I are like parallel lines. We will never meet and I will die alone."

"My new year's resolution is to stop procrastinating. . . I'm gonna start tomorrow"