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Joke of the Day

"[sees old lady drop $20] Devil on Shoulder: Grab her cash! Devil on other Shoulder: And push her over!"

"What's the difference between us and the dinosaurs? We don't need an asteroid..."

"What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins? Fred."

"Him: I think I'm getting sick. Me: Do you want some euthanasia? Him: I'm pretty sure it's called echinacea. Me: Tomato, tomahto."

"A little boy asked his father, ""Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"" Father replied, ""I don't know son, I'm still paying."""

"If you ever have to say ""just kidding,"" you're probably not very good at kidding and you should stop kidding"

"I messed up planning my New Year's party I guess you could say I dropped the ball."

"I hate self-promotional people. They're so into themselves they probably don't even realize I have a new album available on iTunes now"

"If I were cloned I'd be beside myself with confusion. Really, I'd probably see double."

"I woke up went for a walk my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: ""Good grief where are your feet?"" I must have left them in bed !"