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Joke of the Day

"Coworker *parks Prius Coworker 2 *locks bike up Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!"

"John Cena wakes up in a hospital Cena:""Where am I?"" Nurse:""ICU"" Cena:""No you don't """

"the only one of its kind on this sub Want to hear a dirty joke? horse fell in the mud!"

"WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what"

"I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving."

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I don't know. I don't have 2020 Vision."

"A man walks by a bar, the sign says ""lobster tail and beer $10"" He goes, what a deal for my 3 favourite things!"

"Mexico's population is ill-equiped to deal with Hurricane Patricia The Mexicans that are good at swimming and running have long been gone."

"I'm so terrible at Chess. The only way I'll ever get to say ""Checkmate"" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia."

"A pessimist, optimist and feminist Optimist: The glass is half full Pessimist: The glass is half empty Feminist: The glass is raped"