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Joke of the Day

"[Exchanging gifts at family's house] *family opens up my gifts -uh, a history book? Your Facebook post suggested that you needed it."

"I bet most braille on public signs says: ""How did you know this was here?"""

"My wife said I could cum in the other hole tonight. But for some reason she got angry when she saw me lying in bed with her friend."

"4:*calls thing wrong name Me:*corrects him 4:*repeats wrong name Me:*corrects him 4:*maintains eye contact and repeats wrong name slowly"

"Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie! They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee."

"Ducky from NCIS clones himself and he and his clone walk into a bar and sit by Maverick's wingman at the bar...... The bartender walks up and says ""Duck...Duck....Goose..""."

"Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw."

"If April showers bring May flowers what do Mayflowers bring? Genocide."

"Chihuahuas are a lot like farts... ...only their owners can stand them."

"My cousin: ""i just closed a big deal today that is going to make me a ton of money!"" Me: ""some guy name Queef Nuggets RTed me"""