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Joke of the Day

"If u ever rob someones house just bring guacamole that way if they catch you you can just yell surprise and tell them they're having a party"

"I met up with my internet friend yesterday. We were both disappointed when we realised we were both middle aged men, and not 10-year-old girls."

"There is nothing bad about masturbation... ...at least I fuck somebody I love."

"choose one to drop: 1. acid 2. bass 3. out of college 4. the assault charges 5. that thun thun thun"

"That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, ""my shirt smells like you"" & you misspell shirt"

"If someone asks what you're doing today, grab a knife & yell ""SOMETHING I SHOULD'VE DONE A LONG TIME AGO!"" Sounds way cooler than ""Napping!"""

"The fact that other bad things are happening is not an argument against fighting a particular bad thing."

"Don't settle for shampoo! Demand real poo!"

"Did some1 really think naming a restaurant Pizza HUT was a good idea? ""We want a name that communicates quality food & 3rd world housing!"""

"My life is a result of ""it seemed like a good idea at the time."""