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Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, ""my shirt smells like you"" & you misspell shirt"

"I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!"

"Spell Xenophobia H-A-N-S-O-N"

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.."

"What does a hippie say when he runs out of weed? This music SUCKS!"

"The one good thing about Hitler? He killed Hitler."

"I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me."

"[grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy"

"How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? One, although it's probably screwed in too tight anyway."

"""Hey look a flock of cows!"" ""...Herd of cows..."" ""Of course I've heard of cows! There's a whole flock of them over there!"""