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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I met at our office outside the bathroom... Now we tell others we met on PeeHarmony."

"I FREAKING SWEAR!! IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME WHAT AN EASY-GOING, PATIENT, AND CHILL PERSON I AM, I'M GONNA LOSE IT!!!!"

"Hey, guy in Prius blasting heavy metal - decide which type of annoying person you want to be."

"Lif is too short."

"Did you here about the IKEA corporation getting away with having that guy killed? None of the detectives could seem to piece the clues together."

"Pokemon Go has really improved my life... I used to always get in trouble for playing with my balls outside."

"There's no woman in the world more beautiful than the one lying next to you...............at that time "

"What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men."

"I asked my mum what she had bought me for my birthday? She said, ""I've bought you an Apple Mac."" Most people would be over the moon with hearing this, I'm not 'cause... My name is Mac."

"*has argument with husband* *brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011* *adds ""Historian"" to bio*"