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Joke of the Day

"What's the only thing Gary the gay geneticist loves more than he loves his boyfriend, Bill? Designer jeans."

"What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president? Pardon me."

"[invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?"

"If you can't handle me at my Walmart, you don't deserve me at my Target."

"Million Dollar hipster food idea: Insta.ham"

"What do you call 2 people with identical penises? Doppelwangers"

"Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they're making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first."

"As I drop my child off to her first day of school it reminds me of how my mom dropped me off as well...except mom was ticketed for littering"

"Last time I went to the doctor he prescribed constipation medicine to clear up my earwax. He was right about me being a shithead apparently."

"What is the longest word in the english language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"""