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Joke of the Day

"Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft."

"I used to be addicted to soap.... I'm clean now."

"In tonight's debate Trump said we can't trust the rebels I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine."

"My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven. Just how I was raised."

"Why can't bicycles stand on their own? Because they are two tired."

"Jesus can walk over water. I can walk over a cucumber. A cucumber exists of 90% water. This means I'm 90% Jesus."

"A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies ""Sorry. We don't serve food""."

"How do you walk a chicken on a leash? You pullet."

"Twitter is like a conversation at the water cooler. If the water cooler was full of vodka. And you could smoke. And the boss was out of town"

"If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself ""Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."""